Musing on feminism + roller derby

Throughout American history, I feel that definitions of "femininity" have limited the athleticism of women. Not very long ago, it was not commonly considered "proper" or attractive for most women to be so physical or "sporty." There are substantially more outlets nowadays but I still wonder how much the legacy of these definitions impact the minds of contemporary women.

Even today, I don't feel that most women's sports get nearly as much attention as men's sports. For example, a friend asked me the other day - "How many women basketball players do you know off the top of your head?" I honestly couldn't think of any - while I'm not the biggest basketball watcher, I definitely know quite a lot about the men's teams because I hear much more about them without even trying. So that's one of the unique things about derby - it's predominately an all women's sport and it's still drawing in an increasing amount of attention. There are men's leagues popping up again around the nation but I have a feeling that the original women's teams will maintain their popularity.

• Something I find very intriguing about roller derby - I believe that this sport pushes you to be a strong, powerful athlete as well as an an active participant in your personal definition of femininity. I think it's interesting that to a lot of outside viewers, roller derby has a very "butch" connotation attached to it. Roller derby girls definitely an encompass a wide range of sexualities, however I think this is intriguing because I feel that a lot of people consider it "butch" in a somewhat derisive way. As in, if these girls are so physical and athletic, they must be not "normal" women. I think this is connected to a lot of stereotypes about homosexuality as well but I'm not sure...this is an area that I'm interested in exploring some more.

I don't think that women can deny the power of outside influences - our definitions of our sexuality or our femininity are not built in a vacuum. However, by introducing to me to such a diverse, eclectic, and smart group of women, I think that derby has helped me become more aware of these external forces and how they currently shape and manipulate me.

Fieldnotes

I'm still playing catch-up a little with my entries! So here we go:

4/4/10

We had our last practice today before our end-of-season game. I was getting kind of snarky and frustrated - our team was short today and mostly comprised of new girls. We weren't really playing well - derby is definitely a team sport and teamwork is really vital to scoring points, no matter how great the jammer is. So I was getting pretty antsy and my competitive side was really coming out that practice. "Build a wall! Hold the inside line!" *the other team's jammer breezes right by them* "Or not..."

Needless to say, I wasn't being the most supportive team player. I reprimanded myself however and apologized. (I like to think the extreme heat that day was a contributing factor - we like to call it "Bikram derby" in the hotter months.) That practice really made me think of how I felt when I started out playing derby - I was definitely a pretty shaky skater and I didn't really have a clue as to what I was doing. From my observation and participation, derby is not a sport that you can usually just jump into right away. There were definitely times when I became disheartened - I felt like I had plateaued and that I wasn't getting any better. (I still hate turn-around stops so much.) Plus, derby is a lot more fun when you're not getting the wind knocked out of you every jam. It's taken me a while to really feel more solid on my skates but the process has been worth it. Through conversations with my fellow skaters, being able to chart our progress and development is one of the really empowering things about derby, and athletics in general. It's a really great feeling when you realize that you can skate a lot harder and faster than you ever did before. (A lot of us remember when we felt like we were going to die after an hour and a half of practice - now we wish they went on so much longer.) It's great to be able to take a solid hit from someone much bigger than you and still stay on your skates. This sport helps our balance and agility - our core muscles definitely get a work-out. It's also a great brainteaser - derby is definitely a cerebral sport full of strategy and quick-thinking.

All in all, derby definitely takes time and commitment - I'm very grateful for how supportive, encouraging, and *patient* the other more experienced skaters have been during this learning process. Therefore, I want to make sure that I am emulating their positive influence as well for our newer skaters. This season is helping me to curb the snarkier side of my competitiveness - I definitely do like to win but when it comes down to it, it's much more important for me to build relationships and friendships rather than rack up points. *cheese*

Chugging along....

Though I have done some research into the literature, I have already commented on it and I will rather choose to comment on my field experience from last week.

I have encountered some problem with field notes. It seems whenever I return with a notebook of jotted notes from volunteering, I am immediately inundated by distractions (e.g. the need for food) that lead me to put off my full field notes. I fear the loss of important details and data. So, this week, I strive to be better about this! I plan to volunteer again either Wednesday or Friday afternoon and I will be sure to block off at least an hour after I return for uninterrupted field note writing.

My last observation session occurred on a Friday this week. I had a chance to notice the more personalized possessions of the employees as they were leaving (e.g. purses, coats, even Valentine goody bags). I heard them talk about weekend and Valentine's Day plans, which definitely added dimension to some of the characters I have already become aware of. So far I do not have much analytical insights other than the fact that junk food is accepted in the clinical midst and that casual Friday is mainly observed by the positions on the lower rungs of the secretarial hierarchy. I am beginning to wonder if my background will blind me to unique aspects of work in the clinical setting. I practically grew up in a health clinic, so the rhythm and the long hours even after the door shuts are not too strange to me. I am banking that my lack of familiarity with this clinic will make me hypersensitive to what might be interesting observations. Perhaps most productively, I spoke with the clinic manager some more. I was able to start to ask her questions about changes that were occurring in the clinic (e.g. the redistribution of doctors to other clinics in the same network). In her explanation, she revealed a bit more about her own philosophy about healthcare. We have also started talking about setting up an interview date.

On top of late field note writing, I have another admission: I have not made it clear to everyone at the clinic what I am studying. Because I work rather individually and because I do not sense the "warm and fuzzies" from some of them (especially the front desk manager), I have been hesitant to approach them. Further complicating the matter, the 5 people I work most closely with never stop- they are always running around working. I really do not want to get in the way of their jobs. Also, they are not always all there. While I would prefer talking to everyone in a big group, I think I might write a general letter or email which the clinic manager could send out. I will email the clinic manager for her thoughts while scheduling our interview.

My goals for this week are to break into the clinical side of the office and to spend some more time there this Friday (preferably until they kick me out). Even if it means just setting an appointment for an interview with a nurse or doctor, I would be happy.

2/7/10

Some field-notes thus far:

Roller derby is pretty well-known for the great outfits/uniforms we get to come up with - our bouts are definitely a fun time to dress up a little. In our rec league, we come up with different team themes for each big game - Senoritas de los muertos, Rockabilly Rumblers, Naughty Ninjas, and so forth. However, during practice, most of us wear shorts and a t-shirt - nothing too elaborate - comfort and flexibility are key. It's interesting though - a fair share of the new girls definitely start out in the league "wearing the part" - brand new skates, crazy tights, makeup, and fancier outfits. Yet it doesn't usually take too long for the newer skaters to start wearing work-out clothes that are a little more practical (i.e. stuff they don't mind getting sweat all over.)

I think this might say something about the image of roller derby - from the outside it may be perceived as more about appearance and sexualized-show, but when it comes down it, I think a lot of us wear short skirts or shorts largely because they're easier to skate in...However - I'm interested to explore this some more. We don't have set uniforms in the rec or professional league - the outfits can range from glittery spandex to jean shorts and a t-shirt.

And thanks for your comment Amanda! I think it's a really interesting debate - what does it mean for women to "reclaim their sexuality"? What does that look like? How does one go about that? It's something I'm definitely looking forward to discussing and learning more about through my ethnography.

second post of the day

I found Emerson, Fretz, and Shaw's, "Writing Ethnographic Fieldnotes," to be a pretty helpful and enjoyable read.

Some quotes that I liked:
"...field notes do more than record observations. In a fundamental sense, they constitute a way of life through the very writing choices the ethnographer makes and the stories she tells; for, through her writing she conveys her understandings and insights to future readers unacquainted with these lives, people, and events." P. 16

I also liked how they suggested that the finished ethnographic text crafts "a world on the page." P. 16

"Ethnographers learn to experience through the senses in anticipation of writing: to remember dialogue and movement like an actor; to see colors, shapes, textures, and spatial relations as a painter or photographer; and to sense moods, rhythms, and tone of voice like a poet..." P. 35

I had derby practice this morning so I took a few mental notes that I jotted down later in the day. They lack overall structure but they're a start:

• Derby certainly attracts a lot of strong-willed and social women - I'm amazed that the trainers can organize us and get us to listen so well during practice. I'm also inspired by the fact that there are quite a few mid-forties women in my league, yet many of them still out-skate my twenty-year old legs and give me quite a few bruises up & down.
  

• We have a saying - "There's no sorry in derby." However, with a derby name like Moon Star Twinkle, [it's what my sister wanted to name me when I was born,] I don't feel very intimidating or overly aggressive out there on the track. I really like asking people how they came up with their derby name - some people have some great stories and others just have really great names. Roller derby names are meant to be personal and unique - we have a database that no two derby girls have the exact same name. There's definitely some overlap usually, but some people get really creative. Some of my favorites include: Tsu Mommy, Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, and Mama Sutra.

• We've had some new girls join recently, two of them are about my age. I talked to one of them briefly about my ethnography idea and she seemed pretty excited to be a potential interview.